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[locky801]

Boring SA dont get a mention this week apart from the obvious

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 8/3/2026
1. Toowoomba, QLD - Drongo electrocuted while trying to steal (worthless) live wires from power station
2. Maryborough, QLD - Gronk jailed for ramming vehicle with his kids in his car, after making 87 hoax calls to 000
3. Alice Springs, NT - Lunatic shot at by police after ramming cop car, while on parole for ram-raiding pub and dousing himself in petrol
4. Hervey Bay, QLD - Public wanking rock spider and toe amputee jailed again for harassing teen girl about feet
5. Sunset Strip, NSW - Residents find out tap water unsafe for all human use after 66 years of brushing their teeth with it
6. Kempsey, NSW - Cops find 52 weed plants, 38 snakes, 28 dogs, 19 lizards, 9 cats, 3 hedgehogs and a crocodile in alleged drug dealer’s house
7. Ballarat, VIC - 1700 pharmaceutical poppy plants stolen
8. The Plains, WA - Gronks charged after two stolen 100m² industrial sheds found on their property
9. Rockhampton, QLD - Maniac allegedly smashes 7 cop cars with sledgehammer and steals bunch of speed cameras
10. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit but no one can explain why

[locky801]

Been a changing of the guard

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 15/3/2026

1. Gladstone, QLD - Gronkess sentenced for committing armed robbery with bottle of Jack Daniel’s, after being caught with 12 bags of meth in vagina
2. Wodonga, VIC - Gronk sentenced for driving stolen car to Melbourne to buy fake penis
3. Townsville, QLD - Drongo rescued by cops after jumping into croc-infested river to escape same cops
4. Bunbury, WA - Gronkess escapes punishment for poking holes in flatmate’s condoms
5. Sydney, NSW - Drongo cops crash into front of house for second time in 2 years; tree cut down by fake council contractors; riot squad and choppers called out after teen’s party gatecrashed by 500 randos
6. Wagga Wagga, NSW - Women’s footy coach accidentally includes audio of himself ridiculing his players’ bodies on game footage and sends it to them; undies-clad creep caught on camera playing with himself in people’s driveways
7. Canberra, ACT - Gronkess steals teddy bear from Christmas shop by shoving it up her nether-regions
8. Bundaberg, QLD - Pests steal portaloo
9. Port Pirie, SA - Drongo arrested after cops find 4 giant cannabis plants as big as full-size fruit trees
10. Broken Hill, NSW - Still shit

[locky801]

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 22/3/2026

1. Grafton, NSW - Female L-plater arrested after allegedly shooting at cops
2. Melbourne, VIC - Pervert escapes punishment for filming women in toilet stalls
3. Quorn, SA - Deadshits steal dozens of memorial plaques from cemetery
4. Hobart, TAS - Gronk holding bag over head blindly bumps into counters while robbing pharmacy; psycho armed with syringe holds up Nando’s
5. Gold Coast, QLD - Priest done for high-range drink-driving after citizen’s arrest; woman cops $4000 worth of fines for international student passenger not wearing seatbelt
6. Coolamon, NSW - Public pool closed for season after being contaminated by effluent water
7. Bendigo, VIC - Pest caught wanking near school gym, claims in court he just needed to piss
8. Rockingham, WA - Drongo fugitive surrenders after being chased by random dog and mistaking it for police dog
9. Mareeba, QLD - Govt tells Pastafarian to retake driver’s licence photo after he wore colander in first one
10. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit

[locky801]

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 5/4/2026
1. Toowoomba, QLD - Pervert walks free from court after rooting his dog; gronk charged after allegedly robbing and burning down PCYC building
2. Melbourne, VIC - 13yo girl allegedly steals car, uses it for thefts and burglaries, drives at pedestrians, rams cyclist, steals another car, rams e-scooter, flees cops, gets arrested and slapped with 52 charges
3. Gold Coast, QLD - Ambo waits 10 minutes for coffee before responding to emergency call; drunk gronk crashes motorbike into police horse; larrikin uses Lime bike to tow trailer with boat and bed on it
4. Whyalla, SA - Person glassed in face during mass brawl in pokies room
5. Geraldton, WA - Feral kids terrorise shopping centre, pelting customers with eggs and shooting security guard with slingshot; knife-wielding ‘crack head’ pulls syringe on ex-mayor
6. Caloundra, QLD - Drongo creates dangerous sparks by using angle grinder next to petrol pumps
7. Hobart, TAS - Shirtless gronk on road throws rocks and suitcase at cars
8. Mackay, QLD - Council begs locals to stop shitting in public pools
9. Castlemaine, VIC - Mad **** caught driving at 230 km/h
10. Port Pirie, SA - Still shit but nowhere as bad as the above

[locky801]

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 12/4/2026
1. Canberra, ACT - Feral teens fight with knives and hammer in shopping centre
2. Launceston, TAS - Homeless pest allegedly wanks in middle of store
3. Burnie, TAS - Gronk caught on camera allegedly committing burglary while wearing rubbish bag; feral teens allegedly steal bows and arrows from archery club and shoot them all over town; naked obese man seen walking along road
4. Sunshine Coast, QLD - Weirdo allegedly strips nude and mows stranger’s lawn
5. Townsville, QLD - 9 feral teens arrested after police car stolen
6. Bendigo, VIC - Drongo injured after allegedly ramming his head through Reject Shop window
7. Lauderdale, TAS - Gronks use chainsaw to destroy beach access stairs which were previously squashed by stolen steamroller
8. Tuggerah, NSW - She-drongo busted after driving away from courthouse despite being unlicensed
9. Wollongong, NSW - CBD taken over by rats
10. Port Pirie, SA - There is worse places

[locky801]

SHIT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 19/4/2026
1. Perth, WA - British rock spider allowed to stay in Aus after having visa reinstated
2. Mandurah, WA - Bloke covered in faeces pulls pants down next to kids’ playground
3. Townsville, QLD - Creep avoids jail after breaking into lesbian couple’s home to watch them root
4. Brisbane, QLD - Lady grub craps in front yard in full view of cafe customers; alleged car thief jumps over fence to flee cops, lands on cactus
5. Dalby, QLD - 12-year-old kid charged with possessing sawn-off shotgun and drugs
6. Horsham, VIC - Shows postponed after hidden cameras found in Town Hall theatre changing rooms
7. Port Pirie, SA - Gronk breaks into footy club and steals fire service donation tin
8. Shepparton, VIC - Gronks steal unmarked cop car; drongo caught drink-driving at 6 times the limit
9. Bundaberg, QLD - Kids steal 2 boxes of beer from ute abandoned by driver who crashed while doing skids
10. Kalgoorlie-Boulder, WA - Horndog fined for stealing 4 boxes of Viagra from chemist

[Armchair expert]

Was my club too

[locky801]

SHT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 26/4/2026
1. Townsville, QLD - Lady grub charged with attempted bestiality; 13-year-old girl charged over knife attack; gronks steal ADF vehicle used for charity run
2. Henbury, NT - Tourist trapped in tank of human sh*t for 3 hours after falling through long drop floor
3. Gold Coast, QLD - Pervert hides camera in sock in women’s public toilet; gronk allegedly robs house, steals car, rams taxi down embankment, crashes into fence, robs second house, steals another car, drives it into pool
4. Weston, NSW - Maniac allegedly punches 9 people in the head and threatens them with needle before shoplifting from servo and hiding in church
5. Toowoomba, QLD - Gronk flees after crashing ute into moving train
6. Dalby, QLD - Drongo gets suspended sentence and broken collarbone after crashing bicycle into car while drunk
7. Grafton, NSW - Corrections drongos accidentally release prisoner
8. Port Pirie, SA - Sh*t town forgets to count bunch of election ballot papers
9. Uleybury, SA - Drongos steal hay bale from farm and try to transport it by wedging it between 2 cars until it falls apart all over the road
10. Horsham, VIC - Cop scoffs 50 Chicken McNuggets in 10 minutes

[locky801]

SHT TOWN POWER RANKINGS 3/5/2026
1. Melbourne, VIC - F*ckwit stabs on-duty paramedic outside cafe; 4 feral teens with machetes fought off by dad with ironing board; passing gronkess randomly whacks plates out of waitress’s hand, smashing her teeth; grub who filmed cop dying after truck crash sues police for traumatising him; multiple war memorials and RSLs vandalised with political graffiti before and during Anzac Day
2. Sydney, NSW - Psycho allegedly attacks dog walker with steak knife and kicks dog; disrespectful d*ckheads boo Welcome to Country during Anzac Day dawn service again; beaches closed due to stinking whale carcass
3. Taree, NSW - Lunatic assaults elderly man in road rage incident before hiffing pair of 2-litre milk bottles into takeaway shop’s fryers, scalding staff with boiling oil
4. Canberra, ACT - Imbecile accused of doing burnouts with unrestrained toddler and baby in car and on motorbike and letting toddler play with unsecured gun
5. Dorrigo, NSW - Drunk gronk breaks off part of war memorial statue, drunk gronkette puts it in her undies and makes ‘lewd movements’
6. Mount Gambier, SA - Maniac jailed after stealing doctor’s car from hospital, fleeing cops on 4 flat tyres, throwing axe at police and ramming 2 cop cars; pest arrested after getting nude in multiple food shops
7. Hobart, TAS - 4 grubs and 6 grubettes filmed pissing all over burger bar’s fences, doorstep and outdoor tables
8. New Norfolk, TAS - Gronk jailed for chasing NBN contractors with chainsaw
9. Newcastle, NSW - Naked bloke accesses airport tarmac through luggage carousel and boards plane
10. Perth, WA - Gronkess steals coffee table from shopping centre and loads it into Mercedes
11. Port Pirie, SA - Still sh*t

[DOC]

Two nuns are riding bikes to the abbey. One nun says, 'I don't think I've come this way before. The other nun replies, 'It's the cobblestone.